Day: December 2, 2006

[Scottish publisher] Aultbea is launching a 1,500-word five-chapter novel called This and Last Season’s Excursions by Christopher Beale, six, at Borders bookshop in Oxford Street, London, today. “It’s a very exciting story and there’s going to be a huge amount of publicity worldwide on this,” said the firm’s owner, Charles Faulkner. “Because of the way it’s written, it raises consciousness in the child reader. The world record is a bonus.”

Hasbro is rolling out a toothbrush that plays pop music through kids’ pearly whites while it polishes them.

Tiger chose upbeat songs that could be easily replicated with decent quality. New hits and old favorites include Let’s Get It Started by the Black Eyed Peas; Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson; Shake a Tail Feather by The Cheetah Girls; the Rocky Theme Song; and We Will Rock You by Queen.

Via Neatorama.

Oh good. I was worried the Black Eyed Peas had run out of ways to merchandise themselves. Although brushing to the Rocky theme (“Gonna Fly Now”) might be a little fun. The Clarkson and Cheetah Girls^* songs I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, however, much less a toothbrush.

I also found this part of the article interesting:

Children represent one of the fastest-growing segments in oral hygiene, according to the Children’s Personal Care 2006 market study by Mintel.

They make it sound like toothbrush manufacturers have just discovered that kids have teeth or something. “In my day, only adults brushed their teeth. And with bourbon!” I dunno, are children rushing out to buy the coolest dental gear available? Are they trading floss and dental picks on the school playground? Are kids with braces suddenly cool?

The one thing for certain about Black Bolt is that he was a kind of silent martyr figure. This was all heightened beyond recognition by the fact that if Black Bolt uttered one word, the entire universe would be destroyed. Shit, the bad guys always would get him and they’d torture him but he wouldn’t speak one word. It was some kind of weird bondage thing. Anyway, here’s the deal. Imagine this. You’re Black Bolt. You’re fed up with not speaking. You finally think to yourself, “Fuck it, I’m going for it.” But then you have to wittle down the one and only time you’ll ever speak to one, single word. Because as soon as you say it, you and everything else will be DESTROYED (can I get a cackle from Von Doom?) The question comes down to this — if you were Black Bolt, and you had one word to say, the only word you would ever get a chance to utter, what would it be?

My personal suggestion was “It’s —“

Although there does seem to be disagreement over how much talking Black Bolt can actually do. I don’t know much about the character, but it looks like his voice, while a powerful weapon, isn’t exactly of the universe-destroying kind.

Still, I think Ford’s version is more interesting: a character denied a basic human contact, always yearning for it but resisting the temptation because the consequences are too great.

I’m reminded, actually, of a scene I’ve always liked in The World According to Garp:

Mom, it’s very simple. He can do wonders when he’s wearing his magic gloves. If his wife is sad, he touches her with his gloves, she’s happy. If his children are crying, he touches them, and they smile. But he can’t feel them! He yearns to feel. He can even hold off death with his magic gloves, but he can’t feel life. So, he takes off the gloves, and he dies. But, he finally feels life as he’s flying into the arms of death.

I think that’s more or less accurate. I haven’t seen the movie in years, and I could only find one source for the dialog online, but even if it’s not exact, it’s close to what I remember: a fleeting moment of contact, of life, paid for gladly with one’s death. I don’t think the scene appears anywhere in John Irving’s original novel, but I could be wrong.

Animal experts are baffled after the exhausted common seal was discovered near Borwick, Lancs, reports the Mirror.

A couple saw it from their car. They managed to get it in the vehicle and took it home before calling the RSPCA.

Animal collection officer Nick Green said: “It’s a mystery how it turned up in the middle of nowhere.

“It was about a mile from the River Lune and four miles from the sea.”

There were no grazes on the seal’s body to suggest it had crawled from the river.