Vanishing act

I spent this afternoon at a surprise birthday/anniversary party for my aunt and uncle in Queens, a big party with lots of family and friends. I didn’t recognize most of the people there, maybe only a quarter — we were like three or four separate parties, with just the one common bond — and the loud music made it difficult to talk with the relatives I did know. But the look of genuine surprise and tears of real joy on my aunt’s face made it all worthwhile. (My uncle had planned the event, so he wasn’t surprised.)

I will say this much, though: while I may be moving to Queens in the relatively near future, it won’t be to Maspeth. It looks nice enough, but I don’t think you could pick a spot less accessible to Manhattan or more poorly laid out. It’s a knot of streets and avenues and drives that don’t follow any logical pattern. When I first moved back to New York, I interviewed for a job at a map company. The night before, I consulted the company’s own map of the area, which amazingly still made finding them the day of extremely difficult. (Even with the same uncle, who’s lived there for decades, in the passenger seat, helping me navigate.)

This evening, I watched The Lady Vanishes, a strange but delightful mix of Hitchcockian humor and suspense. It’s equal parts tense and ridiculous.

Thursday various

  • The other night, I was watching Jeopardy, as I am wont to do, and was deeply saddened when none of the three contestants knew Terry Gilliam’s film Time Bandits. Now comes the even sadder news that the film might be re-made. Seriously?
  • Speaking of re-makes, I never thought I’d say something like this, but this trailer for MTV’s new Teen Wolf makes me miss the Michael J. Fox version. (I was eight when I saw that film in theaters, though, so I already have way too fond feelings for it.) I was more forgiving of this version when I realized it’s meant to be an on-going television series, rather than a movie, but it seems like such tired, Twilighty territory, and surely there were better titles for it.
  • A helpful reminder that, when the dictionary adds new words, even slang words, it is not the end of the world. (It’s actually probably a good thing. You know, because that’s what dictionaries are for.) [via]
  • “Zombie” Ants Found With New Mind-Control Fungi. [via]
  • And finally, because I’m sure you’ve been wondering: just how does Aquaman build his own x-ray machine?

Tuesday various

  • Peter Jackson adding more female roles to The Hobbit? On the one hand, I’m all for this. More strong female characters all around, yes, thank you. On the other hand, there’s a part of me that wants to shout, “But it’s not in the book!” On the other other hand, I find myself surprisingly unenthusiastic about the whole thing. Maybe I’ve just had my fill of Peter Jackson Tolkein movies.
  • Speaking of Tolkein, though, apparently the Eye of Sauron is at the center of spiral galaxy NGC 4151. Who knew? [via]
  • How I Passed My U.S. Citizenship Test By Keeping the Right Answers to Myself. [via]
  • In this post, Mark Evanier relayed something that several people had told him via e-mail — namely that “Map-makers sometimes include phony names and places on maps in order to identify when someone plagiarizes their work.” I’d never heard of this practice, but apparently it’s quite common.
  • And finally, people will tell you — professional writers and editors will tell you — don’t respond to negative reviews. It’s a losing game, even if you think you’re right. Even if you are right. But one thing’s for certain: you should never, ever, ever respond to a negative review like this. [via]

Monday various

Sunday adjustments

This afternoon, two friends and I went to see The Adjustment Bureau. It was kind of meh, decent if unremarkable, with some good chemistry between its leads but a little too much boredom and platitude in its action sequences. (Keith Phipps calls it “like The Matrix, as remade by the Hallmark Channel.”)

After the movie, the three of us went to a nearby bookstore for our weekly writing group, where I wrote something vaguely inspired by the movie:

There are three doors, none of them locked, even though strictly speaking at least two of them are supposed to be locked at all times. That, at least, is the tradition, and a tradition old enough that it has long taken on the appearance of formal law. There is no provision in the station’s written orders to suggest the origin of such a tradition, but all the same the station keepers have for centuries kept a log of the sequence and semi-random order in which they lock and unlock specific doors at the close of each and every night. Were such a log book to fall into your hands, you might at first appear perplexed, feel at sea in the face of such a knot of numbers and dates, stretching back through unlined pages for months or even years. But soon enough a pattern would emerge; you would learn an individual keeper’s idiosyncrasies, the specific ways in which she or he thinks about the doors, writes of their myriad destinations, and which specific destinations are most often kept under lock and key. Soon enough, you would learn how to anticipate these decisions, to recognize the patterns before they happen, and to know when the door you want — and you would not be at the station if you didn’t want a door — is unlocked. And then you could just slip inside and be gone, wherever it is that you wanted to be.

Faced with such limitless possibility, which door would you choose?

This is the fear that until now has kept two of the doors locked at all times: that if the doors are not locked, if some sequence or pattern or law is not unnaturally imposed — if only by the keeper’s whim — then all the station will be left with, in the end, is anarchy. Only by limiting the choices of its travelers can the station’s keepers impose some kind of order and balance. So says tradition, and tradition is one of the strongest forces in the world.

But tradition can be circumvented, short-circuited, and even burned to the ground if you know the way, if you have the means, and if the door you truly want is the one that leads straight to anarchy.

If they’d known what was good for them, they never would have hired me as the station keeper. Of all people. But I suppose they would have viewed it as some kind of fitting punishment for my original crimes. There, too, they were locked into the dictates of tradition. They would have viewed my appointment as an act of clemency, my tenure as keeper as rehabilitative, the very thing I most needed. I viewed it simply as the final seed of their destruction.

I suppose, in the end, all of us were fools.

There are three doors, leading anywhere and everywhere, and none of them are locked. Which door, then, would you choose?