Every winter, for the last three or four years, I’ve pined for somewhere else to live — somewhere warmer, somewhere different, somewhere where I could feel more comfortable and certain about my decision to stay. I’ve never felt certain about State College, Pennsylvania, and for all its familiarity (and for all that I genuinely like about this town) it has never truly felt like home. And yet every spring, as windows slide open and heavy coats are swapped for shortsleeved shirts, I start looking for reasons to stay. I start to think that maybe it’s just the cold and the snow that I dislike, and just sunlight and warm weather that I crave. Driving around with the sunroof open in sixty-to-seventy degree, bright sunshine weather can make just about anywhere seem like paradise, even if only temporarily.

And, frankly, I don’t know where else I might be tempted to go. Friends who have left, and even some of those who have stayed behind, wonder what I see in this town and suggest that I go somewhere else, that I can go anywhere my heart desires. But that’s just the thing: I don’t want unlimited options. I want clear choices, a reason for choosing here or somewhere else, even if in hindsight that reason proves to be wrong and I regret the decision. My job, for reasons I won’t get into here — I assume that those who care already know — isn’t enough to keep me here, but the pay is decent, and I am in a good position from which to apply for other jobs. And while I don’t have large circle of friends, more than a few of them are still here. Maybe it’s just the newly spring-like weather, maybe it’s just fear of leaving the familiar, but I’m seriously thinking about not moving after all.