Happy birthday, Willa Cather.

The sky was as full of motion and change as the desert beneath it was monotonous and still,—and there was so much sky, more than at sea, more than anywhere else in the world. The plain was there, under one’s feet, but what one saw when one looked about was that brilliant blue world of stinging air and moving cloud. Even the mountains were mere ant-hills under it. Elsewhere the sky is the roof of the world; but here the earth was the floor of the sky. The landscape one longed for when one was away, the thing all about one, the world one actually lived in, was the sky, the sky!

Willa Cather, Death Comes for the Archbishop

And happy birthday, Tom Waits.

Well things are pretty lousy for a calendar girl

The boys just dive right off the cars and splash into the street

And when they’re on a roll she pulls a razor from her boot

And a thousand pigeons fall around her feet

So put a candle in the window and a kiss upon his lips

As the dish outside the window fills with rain

Just like a stranger with the weeds in your heart

And pay the fiddler off ’til I come back again

Tom Waits, Time

If I were a work of art, I would be Sandro Botticelli’s Birth of Venus.

I am a beautiful and alluring composition, not afraid to show off a good deal of bare flesh. People surround me and gaze at me with the adulation due a goddess and friendly breezes gently push me along my path in life.

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

If I were a James Bond villain, I would be Oddjob.

I enjoy bowler hats, golf caddying, and killing people in hand-to-hand combat.

I am played by Harold Sakata in Goldfinger.

Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test

I am a Lobster Telephone.

For nine potatoes have my multi-throttled keys subdued the nice leaves of strangers. Sprays of wild satin guacamole enters my document. I relish four mushroom deals with metal.

Do you bite the wax tadpole? The Utterly Surreal Test

It’s 2 o’clock, and so I’m trying to will it to be 5 o’clock, but apparently time doesn’t work like that or I haven’t got the superpowers to pull it off. Sometimes life is so unfair.