Month: January 2007

Yes, you really would. But:

• The New York Daily News¹:
  

  President Bush has quietly claimed sweeping new powers to open Americans’ mail without a judge’s warrant, the Daily News has learned.

• Yahoo News²:
  

  The Pentagon has abandoned its limit on the time a citizen-soldier can be required to serve on active duty, officials said Thursday, a major change that reflects an Army stretched thin by longer-than-expected combat in Iraq.

• AOL News³:
  

  The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) will allow companies to sell ads inside plastic bins whose sole purpose so far has been to move passengers’ shoes, cellphones and other belongings through X-ray machines.

• The Seattle Post-Intelligencer⁴:
  

  After a parent who supports the teaching of creationism and opposes sex education complained about the film, the Federal Way School Board on Tuesday placed what it labeled a moratorium on showing the film [An Inconvenient Truth]. The movie consists largely of a computer presentation by former Vice President Al Gore recounting scientists’ findings.

• The Raw Story⁵:
  

  “Do you believe as Commander in Chief you have the authority to put the troops in there no matter what the Congress wants to do,” 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley asks Bush in the short clip uploaded to the CBS News web site Friday night.

  “I think I’ve got, in this situation, I do, yeah,” Bush said.

  “Now I fully understand they will,” Bush continued, “they could try to stop me from doing it, but, uh, I’ve made my decision and we’re going forward.”

• Talking Points Memo⁶:
  

  Okay, so we already know that the White House has now taken the unprecedented step of firing at least four and likely seven US Attorneys in the middle of their terms of office — at least some of whom are in the midst of corruption investigations of Bush administration officials and key Republican lawmakers. We also know that they’re taking advantage of a handy provision of the USA Patriot Act that allows the White House to replace these fired USAs with appointees who don’t need to be approved by the senate.

Oh, and remember last year when Stephen Colbert made the President uncomfortable at the White House Correspondents Dinner? Guess who they got to headline the event this year? Rich Little. Honestly, I didn’t even know the man was still alive. It’s a particularly lame choice all around.

Still, I like Mark Evanier’s suggestion:

Of course, if Rich Little has any guts at all, he’ll get up there and say, “Thank you. I’d like to start with my newest impression…Stephen Colbert!” That would make for quite an evening.

⁴ Via Art Machine

Eva Mendes, who co-stars with Nicolas Cage in the upcoming Ghost Rider, told SCI FI Wire that Cage had an unorthodox way of getting into his character. “He would have the script, and he would come to the set and do the opposite of what was on the page,” Mendes said at the Los Angeles Comic Book and Science Fiction Convention last week. “Nic would take it to another level.”

In some places, that level would be called being a lousy actor. Or maybe just a bat-shit crazy one.

“Every time, he would get me, because he does this great thing where he turns things upside down, and he doesn’t play it the obvious way,” Mendes said, adding: “He just kind of flips it. Then he can make the most mundane sentences sound really heavy. I was like, ‘How do I do that?’ I actually made heavy sentences sound mundane. I think he’s so into what he’s doing. He’s such a professional.”

Mundane sentences like, say, “Killing me won’t bring back your goddamn honey“?

At the level of concept or idea, far too many published stories seem very proud of having been able to come up with a semi-unique fantastical idea. Period. A kind of brimming with self-congratulatory ardor. “Look at this cool, shiny thing I thought up!” And the story ends with the “look at my originality” when that is often the starting point of a story and all else has been preamble. Nascent is not adult. It is as child is to parent. Often, this coincides with a flattening of characterization, in that the fruition of the idea lies in the fleshing out of the characters as well. I also think this failure is tied to ego.

This is something I’ve definitely noticed in some of the submissions to Kaleidotrope. (Actually, I’ve noticed all of the story weaknesses VanderMeer points out.) Sometimes I’ll read a story and think, “Wow, this was a really cool idea. I wish it had been in a better story.”

Hopefully VanderMeer wasn’t spotting too many of those trends in Kaleidotrope — that is, assuming he’s even received and read the copy I sent him for consideration. I do think editing stories for the zine has helped make me a better writer, or at least made me more cognizant of what doesn’t work and, hopefully, why it doesn’t work. I also hope it’s made me a better editor, and better able to spot good and talented work.

Although it’s surprisingly easy to spot terrible work…

1. “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star, guessed by Marc
   I want to hold the hand inside you
2. “Set Me Free” by the Kinks, guessed by Kim
   You know you can do it if you try
3. “People Are Strange” by the Doors, guessed by Marc
   Faces look ugly when you’re alone
4. “Delta Lady” by Joe Cocker, guessed by Kim
   And I whisper sighs to satisfy your longing
5. “I Can’t Stand Up for Falling Down” by Elvis Costello (orig. Sam & Dave), guessed by Generik
   I’m a man who’s been hurt a little too much
6. “I Don’t Like Mondays” by the Boomtown Rats
   The telex machine is kept so clean
7. “So Damn Happy” by Loudon Wainwright III, guessed by Kim
   I may regret the day I met her
8. “Cinammon Park” by Jill Sobule
   Betty’s older brother had a bad reputation
9. “The Times They Are A-Changing” by Bob Dylan, guessed by Kim
   The chance won’t come again
10. “Little Black Crow” by divineMAGgees
    You’re messin’ up all my plans

You either know how this works or can figure it out for yourself. You’re smart, I have faith in you. As always, best of luck.

“Oh no, we didn’t mean your new version! Psych!”