Spoiler alert. Some thoughts on Episode II:
- Impressive special effects alone do not a movie make.
- For a film created almost entirely by computer, it seems awfully unrealistic.
- Remember how they once used miniatures and filmed on location in exotic places like Tunisia? Wasn’t that cool?
- Remember when Yoda was a puppet? Did Frank Oz develop arthritis or something?
- George Lucas apparently never met a wipe edit he didn’t like.
- Worst love story, ever.
- “I don’t like the sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything’s soft… and smooth.” Oh dear god, kill me now.
- We’re not supposed to be happy when he goes over to the dark side, are we?
- It has often been said that acting is reacting. Reacting to imaginary images can’t be easy. Kudos to those brave few who can pull it off.
- There is absolutely no reason for C3PO to leave Tatooine except to serve as comic relief.
- Boba Fett looks cool and is a fan favorite, but he really isn’t that important to the story of the first (or, rather, last) three films. He’s just a bounty hunter in a neat costume who happens to deliver Han Solo. Turning him — or at least his genetic material — into such a pivotal character is a little like including a senate delegation of E.T.s in Phantom Menace — true believers will love you for it, but ultimately it doesn’t make much sense.
- Okay, let’s say you’re the Jedi council. You’ve successfully traced the plot to assassinate Senator Amidala to the planet Kamino, where apparently they’ve spent the last ten years building an army of clones using bounty hunter Jango Fett as the model. They seem to that think they’ve been building this army for the Jedi on behalf of the Republic, but this is the first you’ve heard of it, and you quickly come to the conclusion that Fett is himself connected to the attempt on Amidala’s life. You eventually track Fett to Geonosis, where you learn that he is apparently in league with Count Dooku, a former Jedi and leader of a growing separatist movement, who is apparently building a droid army of his own. To combat this army, the Chancellor (who has just been given supreme power) calls on — you guessed it — the clone army to protect the Republic. And this whole thing doesn’t seem even the slightest bit odd to you?
There’s more, but it mostly boils down to: George, please let someone else write and direct the next one. Special effects should be in service of the story.