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Speaking of pirates (which it now seems I am forever destined to do), Dave Eggers now apparently has a pirate store in San Francisco. Eggers tells Roger Ebert:

In your “Pirates of the Caribbean” review, you mentioned that I was opening a pirate store. We actually opened the store 14 months ago. It’s doing well, too. Pays the rent on our nonprofit space, oddly enough. Only in San Francisco. We sell about 100 eye patches a week. We sell hooks, striped socks, treasure chests in all sizes, lard, planks (by the foot), peglegs (sized to fit)–anything you could want, though we don’t sell cannonballs anymore. Our supplier was good, but they kill you on the shipping.

Just another reason for me to visit California, I suppose.

In response to a request in my search referrers today, I offer these handy hints on how to know when you’re a pirate:

  • You punctuate every other sentence with a rousing “Arr!” or another swig of grog;
  • Those new pantaloons you’ve been sporting lately sometimes chafe around the top of your peg leg;
  • Having run out of naughty words, you’ve switched to teaching sea shanties to the parrot perched atop your shoulder;
  • You can say the phrases “pirate’s booty”, “shiver me timbers”, or “avast, ye mateys” with a straight face;
  • You tried paying your taxes last year entirely in Spanish doubloons;
  • You’re starting to worry that maybe you’ve walked one too many planks or buckled one too many swashes;
  • You think you’re actually learning to like having scurvy.

Any other suggested hints?