A sunless Sunday

The cold and dreary weather notwithstanding, today was an okay day. I did the Sunday crossword, and I watched a couple of Red Dwarf episodes. (The later seasons, when they lose Holly, just aren’t as good.)

After that, it was my weekly writing group. One of the writing prompts we had to work with was “supermodel pregnant with second child,” taken from some headline or other. Only, I misread this and…well, just see for yourself:

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It’s at times like this that I like to remember Harlan Ellison’s advice about mishearing conversations, and how one of his best stories, “Jeffty Is Five,” came about from just such a mistake.

After writing, we went to see Haywire. It was okay, but really quite forgettable. Steven Soderbergh does bring an unconventional take to the action movie, which is what a lot of reviewers and fans were saying in advance of the movie: he makes genre movies but doesn’t pay attention to the established rules of those genres. That can make for some brave and interesting film-making, but can just as often backfire. Sometimes those conventions and rules exist for a reason. What I really wanted from was something much more clever and intricate, completely unconventional, or something more edge-of-the-seat, pulse-pounding action. I got drips of both. Even Gina Carano’s physicality, much touted, feels underused. Yes, as a former MMA fighter, she can do all her own stunts, and quite well, but she’s most often fighting against other actors who can’t. So even if you gain an actress who can do all her own stunts, you’ve still got actors in the scene with her who can’t. (Carano isn’t a great actor, but she’s passable for what the role demands of her. She’s also quite attractive for a woman who could almost certainly crush my skull with her bare hands.)

Basically, Haywire has a lot of good moments — I particularly liked the line “The motive is money. The motive is always money.” — but it’s just not enough.

“How can you not get romantic about baseball?”

Today was a pretty typical Sunday, although I woke up a little earlier than I might have liked and made the unwise decision to stay up, and I’ve been kind of regretting it all day. Luckily I still have tomorrow to regain a little of the sleep I missed, thanks to the three-day weekend.

What did I do with that extra time this morning if not sleep? you might very well not be asking. Well, I did the Sunday crossword, and I watched an episode of Battlestar Galactica.

I stopped watching the series about halfway through its last season — tellingly, I think, halfway between the [spoiler] mutiny two-parter, which should have been the show at its strongest and most exciting. (Mutiny! Aboard Galactica! Who will live and who will die? Tune in next week to…ah, nah.) But I’d been losing patience with the show for a long time, often finding individual episodes reasonably gripping but never adding up to anything in the whole, and moreover than not making really stupid plot and character decision. (See Battlestar Galactica RPG. Totally planned!) And I continued to hear bad things about the show and how it ended. Still, this wasn’t like of those shows I’d consciously given up on — like House or, more recently, Dexter. I’ve always, kind of, meant to finishing watching it, if only to be cognizant of the ending and be able to stop tip-toeing around spoilers. I mean, I was only seven episodes away from the end.

So, anyway, now I’m six. I guess I’ll keep watching, slowly but surely, inching ever closer to what I’m sure will be an interesting but nevertheless spectacular disappointment.

I also watched a bunch of Red Dwarf episodes. That I’ve never actually watched the series in full is, I think, a point of some geek shame. I’m still well in the series of the show I have seen, but they’re all on Netflix, so that makes for some easy viewing.

Later in the day, I joined my friend Maurice for our weekly free-writing group, and came up with this in the forty minutes we allotted ourselves:

“It is not our policy to…um, well, how can I put this delicately?”

The dean of admissions was usually such a forthright man, a man of decisive (if often considerably ill-advised) action. He hemmed and hawed and held his tongue for no one, always speaking his mind — or at least whatever functioning gray bits a trio of advanced degrees from obscure universities and thirty-some years in this job had left him with. But this man, the one seated uncomfortably behind the dean’s mammoth oak desk, well, he might as well be an imposter. Davis spent the better half of each semester doing damage control for the dean’s office, issuing clarifications and corrections and apologies; heaven knew it was tiring work, but right now he’d prefer that dean to this fidgety, hesitant, overly politic version. If ever there was a situation that called out for the dean’s usual blind-elephant-in-a-china-shop strategy, Davis thought, it was this one.

“I think what the dean’s trying to say, Mr. and Mrs. Wellington,” he told the couple across the desk from them, “is your son’s a zombie and we don’t enroll the dead.”

Mr. Wellington, a stocky mustached man whose entire frame and bearing seemed designed for bristling at things, bristled at this.

“Now wait just a minute there!” he shouted.

“We prefer not to use the Z word around the house,” said Mrs. Wellington. Physically she was her husband’s opposite — save for the mustache, Davis noted wryly — but they were obviously of one mind on this.

“We both just want what’s best for Nathan,” she added — never mind, Davis thought, that “best” was a shotgun blast to the back of the head and a quick burial, decapitation and cremation to be sure. “He’s a good student and we’d hate to see him suffer any more over this.”

“And besides,” said Mr. Wellington, who had obviously not finished his day’s quota of bristling, “he’s already enrolled in your damn school. This is where he got bitten.”

Oh, thought Davis. That might explain things — why the Wellingtons had been granted this meeting with the notoriously unreachable dean, for one, but also why the dean himself was being so hesitant to turn their request down. There was nothing about the origin of Nathan Wellington’s zombie-ism in the main file, but campus health services were frequently spotty in this area. Officially, the university would neither confirm nor deny an outbreak on campus; coeds went missing, only to be discovered staggering out of some alley dead-eyed and soulless, their flesh mottled, ash-gray, and gnawed-on, for all kinds of reasons. There was no reason to start wily-nily throwing around what Mrs. Wellington had so neatly called “the Z word.”

But if Nathan Wellington had been bitten and turned into one of the walking undead on campus…well, Davis didn’t even want to think of the potential lawsuit that might turn into. Re-admitting him to his undergraduate studies might lead to all sorts of other complications — could they keep him contained? would his rotting cerebral cortex throw off his coursework and the curve? — but…

Then this evening, I watched Moneyball, which is where the quote up top comes from. It’s a pretty decent movie, and a great story. I’m a little surprised to see it on a number of “Best of 2011” movie lists; Pitt gives a decent enough performance, and I like the naturalism of both him and the rest of the cast, but I’m not sure it’s a remarkable movie. Solidly entertaining, a great underdog sports story, and a dream come true if (unlike me) you revel in sports statistics. But I don’t know that I’d put it at the top of any top-ten list.

So that, more or less was my Sunday.

Oh, there was the black cat that was making horrible noises outside just before dinner. I think it might have been in heat — or perhaps already, shall we say, enjoying another feline’s company — but it was difficult to tell. It might have been cold — it’s gotten very cold lately — or hungry or hurt. I briefly went looking for it in the backyard, but opening the back door onto the pitch-black in search of a noisy cat, it occurred to me that I am the guy who dies in a horror movie. I locked the door and went back inside. The cat seemed fine, from the brief glimpse I caught of it from my bedroom window, and at a guess it was the feline companionship thing it was after.

Okay, so that was Sunday. Now, I think, to bed.

Tinkering, tailoring, etc.

A quiet Sunday.

First there was the crossword puzzle.

Then there was my regular writing group:

“We don’t talk about the boysenberry incident,” said Rogers. “I won’t lie, it was a rough time for all of us here at the company. But we’ve retired the flavor, and we’ve settled with the families of the victims out of court. We’re moving on.”

He eyed the young reporter from the Frozen Dairy Times. Karen, or — no, wait, Careen, she had politely corrected him — and regretted, not for the first time, having agreed to this tour of the facility and interview. Corporate had insisted — all part of their kinder, gentler initiative, a “so sorry we accidentally poisoned some of your ice cream last year” — but now was a terrible time for it. There was the new hire in flavor development to contend with, for one, who continued to insist his lab was understocked and a disgrace, and someone in order processing had accidentally swapped two-percent for skim milk again, all eighty-eight gallons of it. But most of all, there was that cryptic memo from the head of R&D Rogers had received in his in-box just that morning: “New technology. Tighten cybersecurity. Tell no one.” The first time he’d seen a memo like that, it had been before they’d released their best-selling creme de menthe and butterscotch swirl. They’d cornered the market, skyrocketed the company to the big league and, for the first time, the national supermarkets. But the last time he’d seen this kind of memo had been right before the boysenberry incident. This could be accolades or tainted berries, and either way Rogers didn’t need a nosy reporter snooping around while he tried to figure it out.

“So if you don’t mind me asking,” said Careen, flipping the page of her little notebook and clicking her pen, “what are you working on now? I’m sure our loyal readers would love to hear how Super Tastie Ice Cream plans to bounce back from last year’s troubles.”

“Oh, you know,” said Rogers. “Several irons, lots of fires. A bit of this, a scoop of that. Nothing too exciting, I’m afraid.”

“That’s not what I heard,” said Careen. “Word on the street is your R&D department has been stockpiling loganberries and home-brewing its own marshmallow sauce.”

“No comment,” said Rogers. Damn, where was this woman getting her information? It was going to be a long, long day if he couldn’t get rid of her.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

Then there was the new Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. It was…I guess the word I’m looking for is “okay.” It’s very well cast, often quite well acted, and looks every bit like 1970s England. And yet…dear lord is it ever slow. Like the book, which I read originally in anticipation of the movie over the summer, a lot the appeal is that slowness, the tedium, the very humdrum reality and paper-pushing of being a spy. John le Carré’s novel may be one of the few I’ve read where boredom is actually kind of a selling point. Yet that slowness isn’t necessarily very cinematic. There’s a lot to really like about the film, particularly in the performances and subtle moments, but at times I felt like there were just too many subtle moments — too many scenes of quiet men having hushed conversations or just exchanging knowing looks in smoky rooms. If I hadn’t read the book, and so recently, I might very well have been lost.

It’s far from a terrible movie — it looks too good and has too many good performances for that — but I’m not entirely convinced I enjoyed it.

This evening, though, I watched about half of Aliens, which I definitely enjoyed. I haven’t seen it in years, but for Christmas I got the Anthology, Blu-ray discs of all four films. (It looks incredible in that format, by the way.) I’d still be watching it now — and long into the night — if I didn’t accept the fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Hail Soyka!

A quiet day, spent mostly reading Kaleidotrope submissions. (The zine’s open again to submissions til the end of March.) On the back deck of all places, since it was warm enough to hang out there in short sleeves for most of the afternoon. Seriously. What’s with this weather?

I tried to do a little writing, but it didn’t really pan out. I did this weird experiment this past week, where on Monday I’d write for ten minutes, then on Tuesday for twenty, and so on. I don’t know. My brain suggests weird things sometimes. I had some pretty mixed results with it, to be honest. I think the important thing is to write almost every day, so I’m going to do that next week, in the evenings, instead of incrementally increasing the amount of time. At least half an hour each day, and I’ll see where that takes me. I really do want to get back into writing more consistently. I don’t feel like I’ve really done that since I went to Banff in September. And here it is, January.

Anyway.

This evening, I watched the…smartly funny? cutely quirky? movie Drones. I enjoyed it.

And that was Saturday.

So began the winter of my thirty-fifth year…

I rang out the year by watching The Dirty Dozen, which seemed vaguely appropriate. I saw the ball drop in Times Square but skipped the rest of the Rockin’ New Year’s Eve bash.

I spent the day pretty much like I would have almost any Sunday, even back in that long-lost era of 2011. I did the Sunday crossword. I read a little. I watched a little TV. I took the Christmas lights down from outside. I did a little cleaning. I did a little research on local apartments. Not exactly setting the world on fire in the new year, but it was a pleasant enough day.

Oh, and I officially launched the new Kaleidotrope issue. I hope you’ll visit and enjoy the stories, even if you haven’t subscribed in the past. It’s all free — although donations are always welcome — and there’s even a forum, where you can comment on what you’ve read or ask any questions, make suggestions, etc. Again, I hope you’ll visit and help spread the word.

Tomorrow, I go back to work after more than two weeks off. It’s going to be an adjustment. I’ve almost forgotten what it was like to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but I’m looking forward to a little more structure to my days. If only because it means I’m likely to get some more reading done. Except for a little over Christmas weekend, when I struggled to read in the car to and from my sister’s house, and a few short stories today, I really haven’t done much reading since taking off. That wasn’t the plan, but that’s what seems to have happened. I’m looking forward to my morning commute if only because I can spend it with a good book.

Some writing in the evening would be good, too.

Now if I just didn’t have all those Downton Abbey and Vampire Diaries episodes to still get through…