Tuesday

Believe me, I’m not going to spend every day for the rest of my life (or the rest of this blog) talking about how I did or did not do morning pages. It’s just that the exercise itself is still so very new, and in conjunction I’ve been struggling to meet a deadline on a short story that morning pages really seems to be helping me with. So it’s been on my mind a whole lot.

I’m a little less optimistic about meeting that deadline, since it’s this Friday — and I just realized, with some shock, it’s not this Saturday — but I’m still going to plug away at it. I can always try to do something else with it if I miss The First Line‘s cut-off.

But for now, let me just say this: yesterday and today both, I did my requisite three pages in the morning, and I pulled together a page of short story each evening. Which, as I think I’ve said, is very good for me. I’ve had productive flashes before, but I am usually a painfully slow writer. The 17,000 words I wrote over a long weekend for 2011’s 3 Day Novel contest were a sleep-deprived, Canadian Rockies-influenced anomaly. (Also, while incredibly fun, probably not my best writing. Though I keep thinking I should do something with it.)

Beyond the writing, there isn’t much to report. I worked from home today. I think my brain may explode from trying to figure out political psychology. It rained a lot this evening. I’ve recently discovered Bunheads, which is filling that Gilmore Girls-sized hole I didn’t even realize I had in my life. (I still haven’t watched that show’s last season.) And that’s about it, really.

Sunday

Today I wrote my morning pages, a page of my short story, and in between this with my free-writing group:

Edward had only been dead for a week when the whole world ended. He was tempted to tell Bill — this was his buddy, who he hung outside the compound gates with most every night — that he’d been a zombie before everybody else was doing it, before it became cool. But Edward knew the only thing worse than one of the shambling, flesh-eating undead was one who was also an annoying hipster. And so he kept his mouth shut.

It wasn’t like he’d been Patient Zero or anything, anyway. He knew that guy, and he was a dick.

But still, sometimes, it sort of bugged him. Like, he’d only just gotten the hang of the whole flesh-eating thing last Thursday, felt like he’d really gotten a handle on it as he was ripping off that accountant’s meaty forearm, and then suddenly the whole city was over-run with these glassy-eyed, blood-spattered doofuses gurgling things like “Arrrrggg, braaaiiinnss…” Like you were even going to find brains on any given day. Sure, that’s what zombies said in all those dumb old movies, but had any of these jackasses actually tried cracking open a human skull? Easier said than done, my friend, especially with your hand-to-eye coordination shot to hell and the only thought running through your own head the aching, unending hunger. Edward hadn’t had anybody to show him the ropes, had gone a whole week just trying to muddle his way through. He could have been picked off at any time. This was back when there was still an army, before they too had succumbed to the plague — not like now, when all you had to worry about were a few scattered militias, maybe some crack shot atop the compound wall. But these folks, this compound? You didn’t even have to worry about that much. Most of them would be lucky if they even knew which end to hold a gun, had just been lucky enough to barricade themselves in before the onslaught. That was why Bill was here, and hell, it’s why Edward was here, too. Easy pickings. But Edward was just old enough — or rather his condition was old enough — to remember when that hadn’t been true.

Kids these days.

And then there were all these dumb rumors about a cure. About some guy, from some village in China. It was all pretty vague. The guards from the compound talked — when they weren’t saying things like “die, zombie, die!” or firing blindly into the woods — but even they weren’t clear about the details. Some guy, some place. It was slim hope, but Edward supposed that’s all anybody had left. The guards said this guy had gotten through, been on one last planes into the U.S. before they grounded them all. Before the airports were overrun like everywhere else. And if that wasn’t crazy-talk enough, they said he’d gotten through because he’d made a cure, was here working with the government — some government, whatever government was left. He’d saved that village from infection — saved half of China, if you believed half of the talk — and now he was here. A saint in the city, walking among us.

Edward didn’t believe it. But it might be nice, the more that he thought about it, the more he mulled it over in his zombified head. A cure might be exactly what he needed. After all, a cure would get rid of a few of these brain-eating morons. And then he could get back to the work at hand. The rest of that accountant wasn’t going to last him through winter.

It just a writing kind of day.

I also watched some episodes of The Muppet Show and Supernatural, stopped by the public library, and did the Sunday crossword. Good times.

Friday

I did the morning pages again this morning, though I decided to give this evening a break from the short story writing. To relax, decompress, rest my poor tired brain.

I finished re-playing Portal 2 and watched the latest episode of Justified instead.

That, plus work, was my Friday.

Thursday? Really?

I overslept this morning, waking up the time I usually do on weekdays, which didn’t leave me much if any time to worry about writing three morning pages in my notebook. But I did it anyway. I had to hustle a little bit after that, but I’m glad I forced myself to write. I’m even more glad that I wanted to force myself to write. That’s a nice feeling to have, actually, even if it’s happening at the same time as grumbling exhaustion and wishing it was warmer in the house.

The morning pages aren’t themselves anything useful. Although, thanks to a dream I’d just woken up from and wanted to talk about but not actually recount, this morning’s pages took a weird detour into what might actually be a story idea of a sort. (I don’t remember the dream very well, but that was actually sort of the point of what I wrote. It was basically a movie already in progress. I recognized some of the actors. Pickle chips figured prominently. Did I mention it was a dream?) But it’s not so much about their being useful; it’s about proving to my brain that a blank page isn’t an insurmountable hurdle. Can’t think of anything to write? Start writing and something will probably come.

And it’s been working, after a fashion. I got through another page tonight, which still leaves me at only 2,500 words and nowhere near an ending, but worse things could happen than my missing the submission deadline of February 1. (Like, oh, missing it because I was only a few hundred words in and nowhere near an ending.) I think I know where this story is going, and even if I don’t know word for word how to get there, I’m not as worried about the words coming.

I really don’t want to call morning pages a miracle cure for writer’s block. But I do think they put you in the mindset you need to be as a writer — which is to say, someone who does not believe in writer’s block. Take away the fear of a blank page and what can’t you do?

The rest of the day was a whole bunch of work and reading and it being much, much too cold outside. Oh, a lousy morning commute — the stuff of a thousand little annoyances, like my connecting train not being there this morning, but none of them that seem particularly important now in the cold dark of night. Which is as it should be, I think.

Oh, and it’s also very cold outside

I woke up 40 minutes early this morning to write 3 pages, in what took about 10 or 15 minutes. Then I went to the train station 10 minutes early for the 7:20 train. One minute after I arrived, the 7:01 pulled into the station, 11 minutes late. I figured I’d get on that rather than wait for who knows how long. I arrived in Manhattan 15 minutes early, at the tail end of the lamest math non-problem ever.

I didn’t love getting up early this morning, but I did it, and I scribbled my three longhand pages. Because it really does seems to be helping. I wrote another page of my story this evening. For me, for this story, a page is damn good. I don’t want to suggest that it’s a page of all gold, or that the words weren’t still all hard-earned. Writing three, free-flowing, stream-of-consciousness pages every morning isn’t remaking me as a writer. But it does seem to be helping me past what’s always been my biggest obstacle: editing as I go. I know I can get three pages out, and knowing that has been helping me not get so hung up on each and every word.

I mean, nobody has to see a first draft.

Well, depending on when I finish this story and what I do with it, I might like to submit it to the Online Writing Workshop. I haven’t completely got a handle on what’s going on, but it’s certainly some kind of horror.

Well, nobody’s going to see that notebook of morning pages. I think I can guarantee that.

This evening, I had a ticket to see Selected Shorts, a night of Junot Diaz and Karen Russell’s stories, but I didn’t really want to go, as much as I’ve enjoyed both of their work, and Selected Shorts as a whole. I thought, rather than not get home until 11 or 12 o’clock, I’d come home and write. And I’m glad I did. I’m sorry to be out the $28, but…oh look, this is turning into a math problem again.

Time, I think, for me to turn in.