Because I am a silly man sometimes given to silly whims, I just bought me one of these. An early Christmas present, if you will. Death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth!

A gallery of unfortunate Christmas cards. Courtesy of fellow capper JAUSTRALIS.

Some excerpts from The Lord of the Rings, in which some words are replaced by phrases borrowed from Burger King’s Lord of the Rings promotion. Courtesy of rebecca’s pocket.

Priscilla, over at The Cult of Lincoln, writes: “Men are like slinkies… not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.”

Over at jezebel, Heather (or rather Santa) asks, “Have you been naughty or have you been nice?” To which I, being something of a smartass, reply: The word nice is derived from the Latin word nescius, meaning ignorant, which is itself taken from the word nescire, meaning not to know. The word naughty, on the other hand, is derived from the Middle English word nought, which means, quite literally, nothing. Having done practically nothing this year (but having done so in a haze of ignornace), I couldn’t in all honesty say if I’d been naughty or nice. Can we just give me the presents and call it even?

One part hunger, added to one part boredom, necessitates a lunch break. Legs must be stretched. Movement must be made. Distractions must be encountered. One cannot spend one’s afternoon caged behind a desk. Sunshine and sandwiches beckon. One must heed the call.