Month: September 2010

Random 10 9-3

Last week. This week:

  1. “Drive” by R.E.M., guessed by Kim
    Maybe you’re crazy in the head
  2. “Why Does Love Have to Be So Sad” by Bettye LaVette (orig. Derek and the Dominoes)
    I might have to break the law when I catch you
  3. “Blueprints” by Christine Fellows
    Will you teach me how to whistle with a mouthful of nails?
  4. “Mercy Now” by Mary Gauthier
    I know we don’t deserve it, but we need it anyhow
  5. “Better Days” by Bruce Springsteen
    Well I took a piss at fortune’s sweet kiss
  6. “Don’t Touch Me There” by the Tubes, guessed by Occupant
    I love how it feels with your jeans against mine
  7. “Chelsea Dagger” by the Fratellis
    Let her dance with me just for the hell of it
  8. “Psychic City (Voodoo City)” by YACHT
    Hang around, baby, we’ll be baking a cake for you
  9. “Fantasize” by Liz Phair
    I hear people are talking about us
  10. “One” by Harry Nilsson, guessed by Clayton
    It’s just no good anymore since you went away

Good luck!

In which I resort to reposting my Twitter feed

I don’t know what you did today, but me, I spent way too much time making up “facts” about the new Robert Rodriguez movie Machete.

You could probably argue that any time spent doing this is too much time, but every man needs his hobbies.

It all started when Joe Hill posted the following on Twiter this morning:

Robert De Niro has twice won the Oscar. By coincidence, Danny Trejo cut a guy named Oscar in jail, a couple times.

He appended the hashtag #factsaboutmachete, and I decided to just run with it.

Anyway, here are the so-called facts I posted about the ex-Federale-goes-on-brutal-rampage-of-revenge movie:

Based on the novel of the same name by Jane Austen.

“The feel-good musical of the year!” raves Gene Shalit.

A spin-off of Hans Christian Andersen’s heartwarming holiday classic “The Little Machete Girl.”

Audiences will have to wait until the director’s cut to see Danny Trejo have sex in 3D with blue aliens.

Ever the Method actor, Robert De Niro served eighteen months in Congress to prepare for his role as Senator McLaughlin.

Machete was actually the name of his sled.

“Whosoever pulleth the machete from the stone shall be king,” proclaims a possibly inebriated Cheech Marin.

Follows in a long tradition of characters named for deadly weapons: Bullitt, Blade, Celine Dion…

Legend has it that to every age, a new Machete is born. Frankly, though, I don’t what Legend has been smoking.

In Japanese, Machete is known as Happy Sunshine Sharp Pointy Man.

An origin story in which Danny Trejo’s character is bitten by a radioactive machete was scripted but never filmed.

Be sure to stay through the end credits for a thrilling sneak peek at Machete joining the Avengers!

If you stand in front of a mirror and shout Machete! three times, Robert De Niro’s character will appear and deport you.

Machete’s blades may not be crafted from adamantium, but they still put the fear of god into that gringo Magneto.

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Machete from the bosom of the water…

A shocking twist in Martha’s Vineyard reveals Trejo to be Kyle Machete, formerly of the Kennebunkport Machete family.

A few other people got into the action, too. I particularly liked this from RichterCa:

Originally planned to be the next “Spy Kids” sequel, it was rebranded after children in test audiences cried for hours.

And this from TwittterRock:

He takes just like a Machete. And he aches just like a Machete. But he breaks just like a little girl.

Amazingly, I actually also managed to get a fair amount of work done, too. Today marked the last of my long summer-hour days. I have a half day tomorrow — provided Hurricane Earl doesn’t change those plans — and then I’m off until a week from Monday.

Maybe I’ll even go see Machete while I’m home…

Though a glass darkly

The most exciting thing that happened today was, I called the place where I purchased my eyeglasses a week and a half ago, because they’d said the frames would take 7-10 days on order…and moreover that they would call me when they came in. Seeing as that was a week and a half ago and no call had come through…

Anyway, the first person I reached led off, before I’d even had a chance to say a word, with a long spiel of “thank you for calling” and blah-blah-blah — half a minute, at least, that, only after I’d asked her to repeat herself, did I realize ended in offering to set me up for an appointment with their eye doctor. Um, no thanks, I was just calling to check on frames and lenses I purchased a week ago last Friday?

She transferred me to someone else, who took my name, phone number, and the identifying number on my receipt. Then she went away for a minute, came back, and asked if she could call me back in just a few minutes more. Either because they had to check something there, or because they were with a customer, or…it wasn’t entirely clear. But okay, sure.

She didn’t call back in a few minutes. So I went to lunch. I had my cell phone with me, and that’s the number they had.

An hour later, I’m back from lunch, and still no phone call. Another hour, still nothing.

So I call back, and go through the same song-and-dance — though no breathless opening spiel this time — and get connected to a different salesperson. Who also wants to call me back in a few minutes. I sigh. That’s what the other person I spoke with two hours ago said, I tell her. And she never called back. Don’t worry, sir, this woman tells me. She’ll definitely call me right back. She takes my phone number — my work number, since I’m sitting at my desk — and tells me her name, I guess so I’ll feel like I have someone to complain to if she doesn’t call back.

But she does, first to my cell phone, which I let go to voicemail, and then my work number. My eyeglasses are ready to be picked up at any time. Hopefully, I’ll go pick them up on Friday, the last of my half-days at work for the summer.

Seriously, though, the local LensCrafters needs to invest in a better phone system. If it’s seriously just going to be a few minutes — because you have to check in the back, or talk with the optometrist, or something — just put me on hold.

It should tell you something about my day that this was the most exciting part of it.