Month: February 2002

It’s funny how these things start. This morning, in the capper e-group, Bert Tilley (aka 144b) sends along the news that one-time pop sensation Tiffany will soon be posing for Playboy. “Tiffany’s spokesman, Jay Marose….” the article says, “described Tiffany as ‘a very religious person,’ but said she had no moral problems with doing the spread.”

To which fellow capper Agent Moldy replies: “*rolls eyes and shakes head* ‘Teehee! I’m ‘splaying for the Lord!’ Sheesh.”

And then I say: “Which is just silly. Everybody *knows* Jesus is more of a Hustler fan. ‘Splayin’ for the Lord!’ You know, there’s a niche market just waiting to be exploited — Bible porn! The word of god with some good old T&A! It’d be like the ‘700 Club’ meets ‘Girls Gone Wild’. See how Moses *really* parted the Red Sea! ‘I am the Son of God. *wocka chicka* *wocka chicka*…’ Oh yeah, I’m going to hell.”

And finally, Mr. Grant writes: “Dear St. Matthew: I am a shepherd tending a small flock in upstate Judea. I never thought the stories you print were true, until one night last December…”

I have got to start listening to Fresh Air more often:

Terry Gross: Has it come to this? Is this the only way you can talk to a woman, with that shtick?

Gene Simmons: Let me ask you something — why is it shtick when all women have ever wanted since we crawled out of caves is, ‘Why can’t a man just tell me the truth and speak to me plainly?’ So if I do that, you can’t have it both ways.

Gross: So you really have no sense of humor about this, do you?

Simmons: I was going to suggest you get outside of the musty place where you can count the dust particles falling around you and get out into the world and see what everybody else is doing.

Gross: Having sex with you?

Simmons: Well, if you choose but you’d have to stand in line.

Found via randomWalks. Gene Simmons is an obnoxious asshole.

An article from this Sunday’s New York Times about another guilty pleasure of mine, TLC’s original show Trading Spaces, which author Julie Salamon describes pretty accurately as “‘This Old House’ as game show and soap opera.” Hey, I don’t pretend to understand the show’s appeal, any more than I pretend to understand why some people like Iron Chef. I don’t seek Trading Spaces out, couldn’t tell you with any certainty when it’s on (although the article seems to suggest always), and I don’t even fit into any the main audience demographic groups, which are apparently “teenage girls, gay men, compulsive re-arrangers and people who like to watch ‘Friends.'”

But I do like the show. “‘Trading Spaces’,” writes Salamon, “is deliberately unpretentious, with a predictable routine and a regular cast of distinctive characters — including Ty and Amy, the sexy male and female carpenters whose tool belts tug suggestively on their low-slung jeans.” Maybe that’s the appeal. A cute girl who’s handy with a beltsander. Television could do worse.