1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

      I think you’ve mistaken me for someone who’s good with tools.

2. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?

      The push-up bra. God bless the engineers who thunk up that one. To wear, however…well, I’ve got this silky-smooth button-down green shirt I like a lot. And I keep meaning to buy myself a new terrycloth robe. My Arthur Dent impersonation just isn’t complete without one.

3. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

      I’ve always thought this question was a little biased toward heterosexuals…but, at the same time, I am heterosexual, so I guess I’ll just go with my stock answer: huge tracts of land. I don’t know if there’s any one physical attribute that the women I find attractive share.

4. WHAT’S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?

      Tenacious D

5. WHERE’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?

      It isn’t here, I know that much. When I find it, I’ll let you know. Maybe that’s where I’ll build that house from Question 1.

6. WHERE’S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?

      My job.

7. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?

      The back of my neck. Or…oh…unless you meant that kind of massage, wink wink, nudge nudge…

8. WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?

      Mind. Remember, there is no spoon.

9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?

      As late as possible, preferably eight and half to nine hours after I went to bed. Usually more like six or five hours. Put it this way: I set my alarm for 7:30 every morning, which usually leaves me just enough time to get to work by 8.

10. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?

      Well that toaster‘s kinda cute…

11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?

      Mean people. They suck. Actually, the one thing that truly pisses me off more than anything is hypocrisy.

12. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

      Every now and then, I think it would be neat to learn how to play the harmonica. I’m not quite sure why. The one instrument I really wish I could play, though, is probably the piano. I took lessons, briefly, when I was younger. The day I completed the first book of exercises, I told my instructor I wanted to quit. I’ve always vaguely regretted it, but let’s be honest: I was never going to be the next Mozart. I remember none of what I was taught.

13. FAVORITE COLOR?

      Green

14. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?

      Well, if I have to choose, sports car. But c’mon, there are other choices.

15. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?

      Yes, but does it believe in me? That’s the real question.

16. FAVORITE CHILDREN’S BOOK?

      Growing up, I loved the Great Brain books by John D. Fitzgerald. The Mr. Men & Little Miss books were also always a favorite, but I don’t remember any of them in great detail.

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?

      Spring. Which ought to be here any day now…

18. WHAT’S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?

      I hate, hate, hate doing the dishes.

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

      Telekinesis sounds pretty neat. It would definitely help with doing dishes. Where do I sign up for that?

20. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?

      I don’t have a tattoo. I’ve been told I’m really not the type.

21. CAN YOU JUGGLE?

      Nope. Can’t spin plates or eat fire either. No circus folk in this family tree, I’m afraid.

22. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?

      Myself at a younger age

23. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?      Christmas

24. WHAT’S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?

      A spare tire. And Jimmy Hoffa, of course.

25. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?

      Hamburger. I don’t like cooked fish, let alone raw.

26. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO’S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

      Well, truth be told, I’m not going to e-mail this to anyone else. Most everyone I’d send it to would either ignore it or yell at me for sending them e-mail forwards.