About Fred

If I were a work of art, I would be Sandro Botticelli’s Birth of Venus.

I am a beautiful and alluring composition, not afraid to show off a good deal of bare flesh. People surround me and gaze at me with the adulation due a goddess and friendly breezes gently push me along my path in life.

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

If I were a James Bond villain, I would be Oddjob.

I enjoy bowler hats, golf caddying, and killing people in hand-to-hand combat.

I am played by Harold Sakata in Goldfinger.

Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test

I am a Lobster Telephone.

For nine potatoes have my multi-throttled keys subdued the nice leaves of strangers. Sprays of wild satin guacamole enters my document. I relish four mushroom deals with metal.

Do you bite the wax tadpole? The Utterly Surreal Test

It’s 2 o’clock, and so I’m trying to will it to be 5 o’clock, but apparently time doesn’t work like that or I haven’t got the superpowers to pull it off. Sometimes life is so unfair.

On Friday, I phoned AT&T to ask if I should expect some disruption in my cable modem service, given that Excite@Home had recently filed for bankruptcy and I had heard rumors that this might affect AT&T customers. When I finally got through to someone (and after the online help page to which I was initially referred refused to load), I was told no, of course not, don’t be silly. Excite’s just the homepage; AT&T provides the actual service. So I said thank you, sighed relief, and hung up. And Saturday morning (I think you can see where I’m going with this), I was suddenly without a cable modem connection. Complete disruption of service. Now AT&T was saying that of course there would be some trouble. Hadn’t we heard? Excite@Home had recently filed for bankruptcy. So it looks like I could be without an internet connection at home until maybe Thursday or later, while AT&T transitions its customers to the new network. I’m okay with that, and I’ve been assured that I’ll be credited two full days for each one that I am without service, but it’s a little annoying that I was given such patently false information when I first called. Ah well, life goes on.